92 | We Keep Getting Older Somehow

Annie: Well, Hey there, Leah.

Leah: Hey Annie. How are you? I am old as the hills. How about you?

Annie: Yeah.

Leah: Somehow I just keep getting older and I'm just not understanding how this works.

Annie: I remember when I first had my babies and he would be like, why, why is every woman whose babies are grown up so sentimental about my baby? And now that I have teenagers, I'm always like, and when they're teenagers, you're going to want and I used to do that when my baby was little and I'm like, Oh no, I've become very sentimental.

Leah: And just have this realization of like, we are keep getting older, but our client population is going to stay in the age range. That's childbearing, which is getting outside of our age range. And that means that it's really shift, like, you know, we were peers, we were like, Hey, I have, you know, a four year old and you have a new baby and a two year old and I'm like, Hey, we're kind of, you know, on the same journey together and could relate to them and, and now I'm like, yeah, so I have three adult kids and a 15 year old. So like you're out there living and I can totally relate to everything you're experiencing. I'm not that old, but I am that old, but maybe I am.

Annie: So that's what we're going to talk about today is what it feels like to be in a different stage of life than our clients. You look at them, they're all like, we're just beginning on this journey of adulthood or like entering this new stage. And I'm at the stage of life. We're like, okay, like, this is my life. This is where I'm at. And, like, I remember when I first started, they were like, the La Leche League leaders that I trained with or just like things I would read would be like, you want to make sure that you don't like. Tell them good job or give them advice. Like this is what I would do because then they're not going to think of you as like an expert or whatever, like the, but now that I'm like, I think I'm officially old enough that I can be like, I think you're doing a great job, honey. Exactly.

Leah: I remember that teaching too. And like, not saying like, well, I did this with my kids and dah, dah, dah. I think it's such an interesting experience to think about how differently our experience was, you know, however, older kids were, say for my first 24 years ago, and like coming to terms with the fact that like their experience of this journey. Is very different from mine because the world has changed 24 years difference and that's actually requires a different set of critical thinking and understanding of their experience that I wasn't having to tap into much because I was like, I know what they're up against. I know what they're going through because I just went through it, you know, so it was like. I didn't have to think as hard about it. Now I feel like I need to, you know, understand what's on Tik Tok. I need to understand what they're, you know, hearing from providers, what their friends that with the peer groups are like now, it's just, it's just changed so much of how I think about. How I'm relating to my clients and in this like kind of little bit different way and also Totally the whole sentimental I get teary eyed So often I'm like what is wrong with me and trying not to be the person that's like Savor every minute it goes so fast, but then I like also want to be like Save for every minute, it goes so fast! It's very hard to like, refrain from that, because that's like, oftentimes the last thing anybody needs to be told.

Annie: I know. The other day I had a client there and we were talking about something and I was, and I just was like, you know, I remember there was this poem that used to get sent around, like on the message boards and it, I don't remember anything about it except for it. It was about like, don't like, don't worry about your dishes. Rock your babies because babies don't keep. And like, I literally was trying to say that. And I was like, I'm going to lose it right here. Cause like they don't, they don't.

Leah: I know, and I try so hard not to like go too hard into like how old my kids are and all of that, but it is so much wisdom that comes from us like being able to reflect back and be like, uh, this time is just going to be a blip on your whole parenting journey. It's just going to be one facet of a very big picture and it feels like everything right this minute, but. Before long, you're going to have 10 things and then a hundred things and then a thousand things along this whole parenting journey. And it's hard to communicate that, you know, in a way that really connects. Sometimes so, and, and not to get too teary eyed, but I catch myself really relishing. I like try to maybe just relish every time I have a visit a little bit differently and more now, which I think is interesting too, because I'm Just recognizing how far away I am from that stage in my life, which is making me, you know, have that parts of missing it, but also just I'm getting this moment to maybe time leap backwards, you know, and be like, Oh, I remember that little snuggle that they do or, you know, and then I'm all like, trying not to cry in the middle of a visit, but I'm also like slowing down and just being like, Appreciating those sweet little moments even more so than just like, I'm in here to get my job done and get out of here. You know, it's like I think that's the wisdom that comes with being older. Maybe my brain's also working slower, so I just need the relish time for my brain to catch up.

Annie: These little babies, like my friends will say, or like I'll meet people and I'll be like, well, is it really? Like, you just get to hang out with babies all day. Is it great? And I'm like, yes, it is exactly as great as you think it is. Like, babies are awesome. Like, they're adorable. Like, even when they cry, I still love them. And they're so cute. I had an eight month old in the office, uh, this morning and This little baby was so extroverted and like, you know, at that stage where she kept getting herself upside down, like she was rolling on every plane and then laughing about it. And then like, this is what I was like, I'm done. The mom picked her up and then she was doing those open mouth kisses that they do at that age where the baby's just like eat your face and I'm like babies, babies, it all comes back, but you know, it's nice. You can access that memory. Maybe if I didn't see babies all the time, I would have forgotten that my babies did that and how sweet it was.

Leah: Yes, I think about that all the time for people who don't work around young families or babies that you, you might just let that stage of their, that little baby time just slip out of your memory, you know? And I, I really have such a tight hold to it, which is. It's wonderful, but also sometimes hard because they're so, so not babies anymore. But I think it's helpful to reflect on how this might change the way we, you know, are connecting and communicating. And I think about how parents think about me now, because I remember when I worked with like lactation support people and they were. Up there in age, I'm not going to say old, they were older than me and they had kids and I would wonder, like, do you even remember this? Like, don't you need to be in the thick of it to really know it? And, you know, I think about that sometimes with parents if they're like, Your kids are so big.

Annie: Do you even remember or know what you're talking about? Now we know that like, no, like you in front of me is like, I remember it like it was yesterday.

Leah: Yeah. Isn't that amazing? It just lets you zoom back. And it also helps me keep in that place of like, you know, empathy for the situation that they're in and remembering like the hard places. And I'm not just cold to that, you know, where I'm like, you don't, if you could tap into it a little bit, it just keeps you in that place of like, remembering. That this is such a hard transition into parenthood and being able to honor the space and time it takes for people to make that transition and whatever timeline they need to do that. You know, like I said, I feel like I've had a lot more reflection and slowing or, or this timeline too, you know?

Annie: Yeah, definitely. I think it's also, Like making sure that I'm also not speaking out of my own experience for the things that the world has moved on or has improved or is different. Like, I just, you know, I did things a certain way, but it's not necessarily the right way. Now I'm at the stage, I'm like, I'm, I'm this old, I'm old enough that and I tell people, I'm like, we didn't have breast pumps when my, I'm like, okay. First one was born 17 years ago, and they're like, wait, what?

Leah: No, everybody didn't have one.

Annie: Yeah, they weren't handing them out. You could rent one I like I had a manual pump, but like I didn't wasn't gonna buy a pump like that was very expensive.

Leah: And remember even with my fourth I needed a pump And it wasn't like you could go to Target and buy a pump. I remember I had to drive. My mom drove with me like 45 minutes to this lactation consultant's house because she was the only one that had a decent pump and that I could buy from her. It's just a while just to reflect on just how different the landscape of lactation land was. It's like, it's just a whole different ball game now, you know? We've had to evolve, continue to tap in and care about how different the experiences are and shape our practice to kind of match and evolve with it.
Annie: I have definitely had to evolve and like, you know, certain assumptions about parenthood that I had or that I brought into it just from my own experience. It's not just like moving out of it clinically, but also like just working in the world we have now, which is the world that it is, whether how I feel about that world is not relevant. Like, because it's just the world that they're living in, like, I might be like, wouldn't it be nicer if you did things this way, but like, things like that are not my place to say, like, I definitely felt like I had education around make sure that you don't let your personal experience come in in a way that affects what's best for this family. I was talking about this with one of my interns. She was like, well, would you ever just say I did this and it was great. And it was about something specific. I went and saw this doctor and it went and we had a good experience and I like reflect on. I was like, I wouldn't say that because that could be coercive, but I will say things like. I said this morning to the mom with the eight month old, and we were like, like, your baby is busy. Your baby, you want your baby to sleep at night. You gotta get out, get that baby out of the house. The baby needs some friends, needs some things. And I was like, Oh, you could go to miss Irene's playgroup in the basement of the sunny side reform church. Because that's where my baby, I took my babies and it was a lifesaver. And we went there. I'm like, you gotta go to the hall of science and let them roam around in that baby room. Like, you have to do that. And I'm like, I feel like I can say things like, you have to go to Miss Irene's playgroup necessity.
Leah: And I think it's like, You know, maybe almost easier now to not share anything because I'm not currently in the most recent past doing anything related to babies of my own babies. It's almost, I think, makes it easier where I used to have to be very cognizant of not sharing my experience or not sharing. Things that I had chosen to do when I was closer to that moment, you know, and now I feel like it's real easy because it's so far away in my brain. And, and what comes up is things like that. You know, I used to love taking walks with my kids, broke up the day or something like that. You know, just something very like we loved getting out to play groups or whatever it is. But it's, it seems almost easier now because. Those kind of connecting on like the current experiences so far in the past. It's like it's much easier.

Annie: I feel like it is easier for them to like hear it because they're like you must know what you're talking about because you're a million years old.

Leah: I don't like to think about that part, Annie. Like I want to stay in the ignorant bliss that maybe they're just like, Assuming I have like, I don't know,

Annie: this is my, this is always my time of year that I think about stuff. Because I have my birthday and my older daughter's birthday are in November. So whenever it's around this time, these are the things that I'm thinking about. Like she is old and I'm old baby and I just love the babies. I just love the babies.

Leah: I love my big kids that we get to do this work and stay connected to that time. And it also just helps me stay humble to the ever changing worlds, you know, that we're in and all the different experiences and, and making sure that I'm staying. Uh, in touch with that, you know, I think that's, that's such a big piece that we can do as providers is making sure that we're still staying in touch with the time, so to speak, to understand what their experience is like, because I feel like that's where the disconnect comes in is when we let ourselves just linger and like everybody's experienced the same lactation land that I experienced. 25 years ago, you know, well, gotta hate to break it to you. It's a whole different ball game now, you know, and now I think that's part of our duty as lactation providers is to make sure that we understand the ever evolving landscape and that we can more kind of understand what people are up against when it comes to, you know, all aspects of it, both information and resources and the five of them. Thousand million things that you can buy so many things to buy so many things to buy where I know I'm at the right house. If there's an Amazon package on the doorstep, I'm like it in the middle of the night. They looked up something to help with some problem and it's there now, you know, but. I think that's like our, our duty as we get older and our, ourselves are moving out of, out of that lactation land, then we have to stay, stay on top of that.

Annie: Yeah. And also be able to like remind them that, you know, you might live in a different world than I lived in, but. There is also like a commonality across time of like, there are things about it that are unchanging or that we can relate to and that like, it's good to, to recognize that, that we have different ways of communicating about it in different ways of connecting. You know, with our friends about it and, but at the same time, like in the middle of the night at 2 am, all the same, you and your baby and that's, that's like a, there is like that universality to it.

Leah: That is beautiful and terrifying. the active, you know, nursing a baby has connected all nursing parents through all time. Humans have been here that little.

Annie: I was even watching the current season of the Real Housewives of New York, which is not not good. They're not performing. They're not doing good housewifery on this franchise, but they're doing good. They were all talking about breastfeeding. Like they were on their Sprinter van going to dinner and one of them was like, Oh, I have to pump. And they're like, you're still pumping. She's like I might be, you know, I'm still pumping for my two year old. And then they all started talking about having a letdown happen and what that feels like. And it was like, I'm like, what show am I watching? And then they go back to their house that they're staying in the Hamptons. She pulls out her Medela pump and I'm like, Oh, but you know what? I'll take it. Like it was, it, it, it, none of it was like, pretend like they were actually like having that conversation. And I was like, that's, that is cool.

Leah: Kind of connects us all, right? Even the housewives. Yeah, we're all connected. Well, this is such a fun conversation to have and to reflect on. Even though we're getting older, there are still, like, so many amazing pieces of being. A lactation consultant, and it helps us stay connected to our little ones when they were little.

Annie: It really is like the weirdest job, like find me a job that's weirder.

Leah: I know, it is, it is totally weird. And also pro tip, if you get to the stage, like, I recommend packing tissues in your bag. In addition to all the other things, you're going to need to start carrying Kleenexes because those tears, they come so much easier. Why is that? It's so weird. It's so weird.

Annie: It's so weird. I'm always wiping away tears.

Leah: Oh yes, I know it becomes so sentimental.

Annie: Yeah, but I love it. Yes, I'll never stop. This was fun. Remembering being in this little nostalgic place because we were when we were trying to talk about the topic for this. We were like, should we connected to this month's deeper dive, which is about budget forecasting. And we were like, No, no, we don't want to talk about any grown up topics we want to, we want to be sentimental and nostalgic. So, but come to our deeper dive and we're going to talk about grown up things like your money.

Leah: So, which is also sadly important things that we need to do and talk about. And I, I need that conversation and I'm really excited about it, but I'm also like, I'm going to do that grown up thing then. And right now I just want to think about cute, squishy babies and how my boys were once tiny squishy baby.

Annie: They were once cute, squishy babies. Now they're just big men. They're just like a bunch of men that live in your house. But they're also cute and squishy. That's the thing I also like. My clients are like, well, what about, you know, teenagers? And I'm like, I love my teenagers. I think teenagers are awesome. And I will still, I will still kiss their little cheeks.

Leah: Get hugs in whenever you can. And they still need you. I mean, you never stop.

Annie: It's like, you still look at them and you still, I still see their little baby face, oh my gosh.

Leah: We better stop. Let's pack it in. Grab some cleaners. So if you're crying with us, Thank you for joining us today. If you want to not cry, or maybe you will cry if you talk about finances and budgeting. You are also welcome to cry on that. Kleenexes are always welcome. And I look forward to seeing you at the deal. Bye everybody.