71 | How do we take care of future Annie & Leah?

Annie: Well, hey there, Leah.

Leah: Hey, Annie, how are you today?

Annie: I'm good. How are you?

Leah: Doing well, doing very well.

Annie: Looking forward to talking about this topic today because it's something I feel like comes up a lot when we're just in the context of whatever episode we're recording, we talk a lot about how we tried to think about taking care of our future selves. We were joking before we came on that we don't really do a great job of it.

Leah: It is a work in progress but it's a concept that we want to share because it can help guide your tasks and your thought processes and just this kindness towards ourselves. We spend a lot of time being really kind to the people we take care of and making sure their future selves are well cared for and those babies are well cared for but could we turn that on ourselves by just kind of having a framework for the concept of how do we take care of ourselves. That's the thing that I think maybe it does for me.

Annie: Yeah, I know, I do try to think about it in terms of like I can get so focused on like, okay, what do I need to do today? Let me cram everything in today and not think about like, okay, if I keep cramming things in, am I going to ever take a break? The answer is no and so I need to take a break now because I need to train my future self to take breaks.

Leah: That makes sense. Yeah. That you would get better and better at being aware of when you'd need to take a break. I think sometimes what it does for me is like if I'm wrapping up my day maybe and I'm like, I don't feel like doing anything else. I just want to crash in bed and just be like forget the world, turn the lights out. Then I'll think future Leah will not appreciate that you did not switch your scrubs from the washer to the dryer. I literally think of that, I'll be like, she will not be happy with you. She will be so sad. Okay, fine. I'll walk back downstairs and throw them in the dryer or I don't feel like doing this or I don't feel like doing that. Then it'll make me kind of like, oh yeah, but I could be nice to future Leah and actually that do and then maybe set me up for a bit more success. Sometimes it guides me and I literally think of that. I'll be like, kind of considering how mad I'll be at myself tomorrow. I'll be like how mad will Leah be. She'll be pretty ticked off about that one. It's like, got two different people here, maybe this is a bigger psychiatric problem and how I am considering myself and all these different realms. But it is really helpful because I think we have to think of the implications of what we do today will impact tomorrow. So it's helpful to consider how you'll feel about, like you said, with taking a break, like how will I feel about this next week when I or even tomorrow when I stayed up till midnight trying to cram in like you were saying.

Annie: One way that I do feel like, I guess somewhat successful in taking care of my future self, is in some of the automations that I've set up. I don't have to think about did my clients get the right forms because my charting platform, all of that is set up. Once the appointment is confirmed, everything happens automatically. I really do just have to just wait for it to be done. I don't have to go in and be like, okay, now I have to remember to send this form and that form. I do have to check them to make sure they're completed and there are some reminders that have to go in, that have to happen if people don't fill them out but I also have that set up inside. I use Intake Q. I have tasks set up that are connected to the forms and there's a task that's like when a form gets submitted, I get tagged to review it, but there's also a task that pops up the day before an appointment that says check to see if the forms are completed. So I don't even have to think about that. I go into Intake Q and that reminder is there. That really helps me not be, I definitely am a completest and a checker and so I can get like oh no, I have to check. I'll check one thing and then I'm like, oh no, let me check every appointment I have this week. Then I'm like okay, where did two hours go, that was terrible. That was a terrible way to spend my time like clicking on and being like, okay, yeah, this one? No. So I'm just like, it's set up, gonna trust it. Sometimes it doesn't work every once in a while like they booked too soon and too close to the visit, and the COVID form doesn't go out but that's also okay. It all works out. I don't need to be constantly monitoring it for it to work.

Leah: Yeah, I mean, those automations are huge. I have similar forms that go out. I even have, because I love my little task reminders. As a side note, my admin knows that if she wants something done, just go put it on the Intake Q tasks because I love to check those off, just the thrill of being like and I did that and I did that and it's back to zero. It's so exciting to me. I also have a task because I like to send a personal follow-up text to just say, like, hey, I'm thinking about you guys hoping the week is gone well, let me know. That's kind of just my style of something that I do. I don't even have to think about when that has to happen, I'll just have my automated tasks coming up for that. That just frees my mind because I know I have a place that I'm going to stop and check back in with every single person that I've encountered in the last week. So it has freed my little brain a little bit. In that like, sometimes I'll get a little bit of everybody's situation kind of swirling in my head and I'm thinking about them and wondering how it's going. I'm working on that like letting these things go. This is part of my letting these things go is like, okay, I'm not going to think about them unless necessary until my tasks come up for that person. Then I know that I have a place to stop and apply my focus to them and check back in and make sure all is well there. The other way, though, that I have found that I'm really turning to a lot more is external support because you know what that is a way to take care of ourselves is to get the help we need. So that like we're not bogged down, we're not overwhelmed. I have been and I know we've talked about this before but more open to hiring the support that I need or finding those people that I know could fill a gap for me, that will make me feel better in the future. You know what I mean? Also, hiring just another lactation consultant in the moment it feels like so much work. You're like I have to train this person but future me will really appreciate this. So I've been thinking about that a lot, too. I think that's something you have expressed to me too like I am hiring these people or changing these things because I know even though it sucks at the moment to train and all that it's like future me will be so happy that I kind of pushed through in this moment and got this done.

Annie: That's definitely been my experience with taking on an independent contractor. This spring, I took on an independent contractor and an intern who was completing her pathway three hours. At the same time that I opened my office lab was prepping for the supplementation conference that I did in the spring and it all kind of happened at once. I was like this is a lot. I never would have chosen for all these things to be happening at the same time but with that said, it really was so good to have the office in place because then during the conference, and there were a lot of lives, I was like, I'm just going to be in my office two days a week. I'm only going to see people in the office and I'm not going to add another layer of complexity with home visits. That has definitely been the right decision. It really has created a lot of rest inside my schedule. Not feeling like I'm just so crammed to get everything done. Then having my independent contractor working with me, first of all, she's amazing. She's great. The clients love her. She's so good at her job. So great clinically, and has amazing communication skills, but also knowing that I can go away and she will answer people's questions for me. I don't have to be monitoring stuff. That's the piece where just having that continuity and having my intern available, we had her do some check-ins with people that I've never been able to do. She got some of her hours by doing prenatal consultations. We just offer them for free and she does a great prenatal and we got great feedback from the people who worked with her. It's like that's meeting a need. The people now have a very warm feeling about City Lactation because it's not just me putting myself out there. It's me and these other people who are so warm and so skilled and available. We can just balance each other out really well. So, yes, it was a lot of work and definitely been worth it for this team that I've put together.

Leah: So future Annie will be thinking of you continuously?

Annie: Yeah, definitely, definitely. The other thing to thinking about, something you and I've talked about, is our approach to taking time off, which I know is something you and I both struggle with.

Leah: Absolutely, yeah, it's so hard.

Annie: What for you is the hardest part about planning to take time off? What's the thing that most gets in your way?

Leah: I mean, I definitely think it's this kind of sense of pressure from the fact that there's somebody that wants to see me, and they want to have it be here soon. They don't want to wait another week and so the people pleaser in me, is like if they want it and need it and I essentially can do it, even though I want to take time off, I can physically do it. I feel this pressure of like it's really hard to choose me over there need and that's, again, things I'm working on. But it's also I think as an entrepreneur and a business owner, I feel like we all kind of have this sense of pressure if I take too much time off, will I lose business? Will people be frustrated with not being able to get in with us? There's a lot of pressure that comes from that too and also from financial. Well, if I don't work, not as much money coming in, so this is so multi layer that I usually just succumb to the pressure versus pushing through it. So you really have to take me like off the planet. I can't do staycations very well, I wish I could go off the planet, I can't, but I really have to be literally physically somewhere where I cannot do, no way no chance, could do any kind of consultation, then maybe I will take a break. But it's hard for me to do a staycation or I'm just gonna take a few days off work and just be home doing stuff. That's harder for me. I know you're a little bit better at that. Your boundaries are definitely a bit better in that area.

Annie: It's something though that is because of my early years of my private practice, I was also homeschooling my kids. It was like real homeschooling like real. We were homeschooling by choice, by volition not because a pandemic made us homeschool. That was very different but I had really known that I was never available to just work whenever I wanted to work. There was always a lot of planning. What I also realized was that if I took a vacation, when I came back I knew that my kids would need like, we all needed some reentry time or there will be things happening. So I got in the habit of just blocking off time before and after my vacation. The main thing that I started doing, it originally was if I'm going on vacation for a week, a week before I'm going on vacation, no new clients, it's all follow-ups. Until the day before I'm going on vacation, I would open up a last minute new client spot because I'm like you're hear not gonna hear from me until I get back. You'll be okay. I'll just schedule you for right when I get back. That also worked out well but then I was like I'm still having the problem of having to deal with scheduling while I'm on my vacation to make sure that if I'm gone seven days, and Monday is my first day back. I'm like, well, I need to make sure I've got consults the first day back. That was starting to make me really tired and my family is like leave your phone alone, pay attention to us. So now I'm like, well, that all has to wait till I get back. So if I go on vacation, I come back on a Saturday, and I'm not seeing clients on Monday. I might not even be seeing clients on Tuesday. I could if I had a last minute request and instead of saying like I could or I can't. I probably can't because than you can talk yourself into it. I'll just say I'm just not available. I'm not available and knowing that like to satisfy whatever desire I have to be productive during those days and not feel like oh loves sitting around. I'm sure something will happen that will require me to work in some capacity on those days but not that like, now I have to like jump right back in and go do three home visits.

Leah: That's a very smart way to take care of future Annie's vacationing self.

Annie: When you go on vacation with kids, it's also never actually like a full vacation

Leah: I know. There's so much orchestration of it all and packing and unpacking. It's so much work.

Annie: Have you seen that meme that was like family goes to the beach to find out it's just like being at home only with sand. You're still cooking, you're still cleaning and there's sands I'm like I can relate to that.

Leah: True. So true. I know. I know. That's really smart way to think about taking time off, if it is for vacation, like a way that you could take care of your future self is to also make that transitioning back into work. So this is like, hint, hint, Leah, this message is for you because Annie knows I'm about to go on vacation and she's like, Leah, what are you doing?

Annie: If you were your own employee, you would have to give yourself a certain number of vacation days. Listen, I'm not trying to choose violence during this podcast episode but you take enough vacation days in a year. Do you take as many vacation days as you are allowed to take as a human?

Leah: The answer's probably no. It's such a good reminder. You and other people that I've been around in this field have been such great examples and keep reminding me of all the ways that I could do better for future Leah. She'll be so happy and so relaxed and have more energy to give when we do these things. I think the framework of thinking about that, like, if you've come to a moment where you're like, should I do this or should I do that? Sometimes it's helpful to just go what would future, insert your name, really appreciate me doing right now. Sometimes it helps you just think of yourself kind of like as a separate person that you're caring for because that's really our mentality. As consultants, I think we oftentimes are just very much in the mindset of caring for these other people. So it almost plays on our desire to take care of another person by almost kind of separating ourselves from ourselves in the sense of like, what would this person really appreciate and then sometimes we can do things for ourselves that we really wouldn't necessarily choose. The framework of it has really helped me in so many ways and I think what I hear you saying is it's also been a nice way. I remember in one of our very very early podcasts, this is where some of this came from, you were like how would future Annie feel if I didn't have gloves or something. I think it was about ordering gloves. I think this must have been like episode three or something. I so vividly remember that because it was one of those moments where I was like, it's such a good way to think about it and then we've just continued to think about it that way. Is future Annie doing better with the glove ordering?

Annie: No, future Annie I still terrible. Yeah, past Annie is still living on with future Annie. So what future Annie needs is permission just to sit I guess. Okay, this is what I think I'll restate that. What I think future Annie wants is a day off. So to give future Annie a day off, I just work work work all the time. I'm like, oh well, I don't have anything to do right now, let me just like catch up on stuff. At some point in the future, future Annie's gonna take a day off but future Annie never does take a day off because there's is always something to do. There's like that, I forget, there's some name for it, but like work will always expand to fill the container that you give it. I give work too much of a container. It's my identity. I also have like, the dopamine rush from working like whatever and just feeling productive. My family and I've been rewatching 30 Rock, as a family and there's an episode in the first season where Jack Donaghy, the CEO person or whatever head chairman of General Electric has a heart attack. Liz Lemon goes to visit him in the hospital and he was like, he's like, Lemon, I saw so many things flashed before my eyes. I came to the end, I saw the light and I was like at the end is near and he goes, and I realized something. I should have worked more. Such a perfect punch line. Oh my gosh, like, I feel like I'm like a little too much Jack Donaghy in me where I'm like there's always something I could do. So I think what I was trying to say the beginning of the episode is I think what future Annie wants is, future Annie wants to exist. She might want to exist like now, today, not at some vague point in the future. I think basically, I have been preventing future Annie from being birthed.

Leah: Yes. Let that baby out. Come on. Release and feel the opening. I'm not a doula. Probably not saying all the right things right now. We can't even talk that was so fun. But I feel you because if you're always working for a time that you never let yourself be like you said, I'm always working thinking, oh, this will be so helpful because in the future, I want to take a day off, but then you never do. It's like, oh wait, you're actually burning the candle at both ends, literally because the other end never gets to exist. It's that true statement. The truth is like you said, we're never gonna come to the end of the days and see the light and be like, gee, I wish that I had slaved more hours over that tweaking my charting platform. We're gonna be like, oh, I'm so thankful that I had time to do the things that really matter in my life. That's probably what we're going to be thinking. We hope that this framework and all these also funny side notes, have brought you to a point to understand that we care about you guys so much. We want you to care about you so much that you'll think about each day, how you might be able to take care of your future self and then also let your future self be birth.

Annie: Okay, I will induce labor today. I'm gonna go for a long walk is what I'm gonna do. A nice long walk. I'll get my toes done. I'll read my book, all those things you're supposed to do when you're trying to have a baby. I'll do other things that you're supposed to do when you're trying to have a baby. It'd be great. Future Annie is coming, I promise.

Leah: I hope so because she needs to be here and take her moment of rest and relaxation that you've been working so hard to give her. Well, it's been fun having this conversation today, fun in so many ways. I look forward to our next conversation.

Annie: Me too. It was great. Leah, I'll talk to you soon.

Leah: Talk soon. Bye.